Pictures

Ellie,
I've got a picture of you on my desktop on my work laptop. Yesterday in my meeting at work we had to bring our laptops. I know a few people saw your picture. I could see them giving it long sideways glances but nobody said anything. I think they were uncomfortable looking at a picture of a dead baby. It is just so unnatural. Nobody said "oh is that your baby" or "she is beautiful". I don't blame them. Before all this happened I would have been uncomfortable looking at dead baby pictures. I remember when we were in the hospital waiting for you to be born and your dad and I were deciding whether or not to do pictures of you. I thought it was really weird and neither of us really wanted to do it. We looked at the brochure and thought the pictures were very well done but they were still dead babies. The nurse told us we should do the pictures and they would be available for us if we wanted them but we didn't have to look at them if we didn't want to. She said they've had people come a year later to pick them up. So we decided to do it and I am so glad we did. It was really hard at first to look at your pictures. It still is I guess but not as bad. When I opened up my laptop this morning a little pang went through my heart when I saw you.
Your dad and I were talking about this yesterday. He says that it wouldn't bother him now to look at other people's pictures of their dead babies. I hate that that is something that we have gotten used to. There are so many people that have had to go through this, I had no idea. Everyone I talk to has known someone who lost a baby. I had no idea there was so much pain in the world. So many people who are now used to looking at pictures of dead babies. So sad.
Mama love you Ellie girl.