Baby Book

Ellie,

I was having a very nice day today. We didn't have much going on today so we mostly stuck around the house. I got some things done and have had fun lounging around. We are going to the last Harry Potter movie on Friday so Dad and I started a marathon with the first movie today. We are going to watch the second later tonight and hopefully get all of them in before Friday.

I was working on getting our new office (your old room) organized. Things were going pretty well. I though I had all of your stuff put away so I wasn't planning on running into anything that would make me cry. Then I noticed in the bookcase was your baby book. Someone had given it to my at the baby shower and I started filling it out with all the information I could. I opened it today and looked through it. I started crying immediately. The information I had put in there was so positive. There is a spot for a picture of me pregnant and space for information about the parents. There are spots for baby shower pictures and info about the shower. All that was already filled out.

Then I came across the page about the delivery and pictures for the new family. I filled in the information I could. Instead of the date we brought you home I had to put the date we buried you. I couldn't even put the color of your eyes because I don't know. Your eyes never opened.

The next pages were for milestones. I cried even harder knowing I'd never be able to fill in the spots for your first steps, pictures of you eating, and your first holiday. I'm really worried about Christmas. I will make a stocking for you but I know I will miss you so much. We will celebrate your first birthday but I don't know if anybody else will acknowledge it. I hope to have enough money by then to get you a headstone.

I miss you Ellie. I really wish we could make these memories. I will always think about you and how my life would be different if you had lived.

Love you so much,

Mom