babysitting

Ellie,
Today we babysat a little baby that was born 3 days after you. I know it seems crazy but it wasn't as hard as you might think. It was a little sad but I was glad to actually have a use for all of the baby gear we have. The cradle we got was a little different and we werent' sure how it would work. To our great pleasure it worked great. The baby that we tended today really liked to be held. The longest she slept though was in that cradle. We tried the crib a couple of times but that didn't work out as great. We also got to use our monitors and the bouncy chair.
It was a good trial run for us and the cat. She did well. She was curious and actually a little protective. She was always very concerned when the baby would cry. She was fussing for a bit and we didn't pick her up immediately because she was still sleeping. But the cat would walk up to us and look at us like "why are you still sitting there?"
Part of me really wanted to pack everything up and run away to Mexico with that baby. But, I know i'll get to see her again, and as much as I love holding her she's not you. I love her but that mother-baby bond just isn't there with us. It does cure our empty arms a bit but it's not like having you there.  It is a little surreal to me that if you hadn't died i'd be taking care of a baby like that all the time. I loved having her but it was nice to pass her off to her mom after 9 hours. Having her around did tie me down a little more than I had expected. I'm not sure I would have been ready for that, but I guess I would have been. I would have made it work.
I think we might babysit again on Thursday. I am really looking forward to it. As they were leaving the baby's 6 year old sister said that she wanted to come and live with us. That made me happy. The kids like us. We would have been good parents. We will be good parents. I'm very grateful to have gotten this opportunity. I'm grateful that she trusted us to watch her kid even though we don't technically have much experience. It was fun.
Love,
Mom