Ellie,

I'm not doing so hot today. It's weird because I went to bed feelings so peaceful and I woke up in a good mood today. Last night we went to another SHARE meeting. There were different people there this time so we got to hear their stories. I didn't do very good sharing ours. It was like I just wanted to get it over with. Their stories broke my heart. There is so much pain. The topic for discussion was children's grief. I really didn't want to go to the meeting because I knew I wouldn't have any children to discuss. It ended up being good because we got some ideas on how to still include you as part of our family even though you're not here.

I got home last night and felt really close to you. I felt like you were really near and comforting me. It was on odd feeling. It was stronger than i'd ever felt before. It was so comforting. Today I just feel like i'm in a rut. I do the same thing every day and I don't have much important to do. In a way i'm really looking forward to and dreading work starting again. It's going to be hard to go back there but I think it will be good for me to have something else to do and something else to focus on.

Before you were born we bought you an elephant that winds up and plays music. As I was cleaning up your nursery I just stuffed that elephant into a drawer with all of your other stuff. We got this idea at the SHARE meeting last night and decided that we are going to have the elephant represent you in all of our future family pictures. Maybe that is what made me feel close to you last night.

I love you baby girl,

Love,

Mama