Ellie,

I guess it was too much to hope for to have three good days in a row. The past two days I've woken up feeling good. I did cry at some point both days but for the most part I was feeling up. Today I just woke up feeling down. I'm just on the verge of tears and it doesn't take much to push me over the edge. The day isn't turning out like I wanted it to and I'm sitting here with tears pouring down my face. It's stupid, I'm just so fragile right now. I need to keep myself busy. I haven't been busy enough this morning. I guess I should go find something to do. I don't know what to do. My kitchen is immaculately clean, all the laundry is done, I can't vacuum. I can sweep the porch. That will keep me busy for about 5 minutes. Maybe i'll clean the bathrooms again. My apartment is too small. I don't have enough cleaning to keep my busy. Maybe i'll wash the sheets today. See, I can find things to do.

I just miss you so much. If I had you here i'm sure I wouldn't be looking for things to do. I need you. I'm really paying today for holding that baby yesterday. My arms feel emptier than ever.

I love you always,

Mom