Saturday

Ellie,
I woke up this morning panicking about what I was going to do today. I guess i've enjoyed going to work more than I thought. Today is Saturday and I kind of wished I could go into work. I soon chilled out and really enjoyed my Saturday. I noticed that I can go for longer periods of time without thinking about you and how sad I am. It's a lot better when i'm at work because there aren't quite as many things there to remind me of you. And, when I do think of you it doesn't always make me cry, only sometimes.
I don't know if it's the meds i'm taking or not but I have felt a little better this week. I doubt it's the meds. Those are supposed to take a few weeks to work. I was thinking last night how nice it would be to be pregnant again. I really do miss it. I really miss my nightly ritual of laying in bed and putting my hands on my tummy to feel you move. That was my favorite part of the day. I can't believe you're gone. It just hits me sometimes what I could have had and what my life could be like right now. But it's not, I don't have you and I need to accept that and do the best with what I do have.
I love you so much. I hope you are happy.
Mom