Ellie,
Work has been good the last few days. There are long periods of time where I don't think about losing you. I can't possibly forget you though. Somebody today mentioned somebody else who has the same name as you and just hearing that name sent a jolt through my heart. I am just still a little worried about Monday. I"m not sure how i'll interact with the students. I hope i'm not too mean.

Last night went really well. There were a lot of us there. We ate good food and had good conversation. It was interesting to see how we are all handling things. I know everybody grieves differently but in other ways it seems so similar. There was a woman there who had only lost her baby a week ago. She was so brave being there. I don't know if I could have done that. It made me sad seeing that look on her face. I know that look. I saw it on my face many times. My heart broke for her. She looked so lost and dejected. I could tell she was hurting bad and putting her brave face on. It will get better. it was good for me to see that I have moved passed that. I'm still sad but it's different. It's not so hopeless now.

One thing that surprised me about last night is that I didn't cry at all. I was kind of surprised. I even talked about you and looked at pictures of you. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm upset with myself if I cry too much and i'm upset with myself if I don't cry. I just feel bland right now. Your dad told me he cried today. I'm sure that will embarrass him but i'm glad he told me. It makes me feel a little better that I'm not the only one. I'm also glad that he communicates this with me. I think we will get through this together.

As always,
I love you.
Mom