Ellie,
Well, I did it. I called the doctor this morning and asked him to prescribe me an antidepressant. I don't know why but I was so scared to call him. I had two nightmares about it last night. But, I got up this morning and called. It wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it would be. The nurse was really nice, so was the pharmacist. I don't know why I was so scared to do this. I guess it's like i'm admitting failure. Like I can't do this on my own. I know that's stupid. I guess I just feel bad because Dad doesn't need to be medicated.
I'm really anxious about going back to work. I don't know why. I have been so looking forward to this summer being over. I'm trying to be positive. I'm hoping this will keep me busy and take my mind off of things. Maybe I can feel like a productive member of society again. I am nervous that the meds i'm taking are supposed to make me anxious and jittery for a few weeks. Great for the beginning of school. I have issues with stress and anxiety anyways. I'm going to have to really try to take it easy. I'm going to try to keep things low stress.
Only one more day of vacation. It's a good thing. I'm going to keep telling myself that. I miss you much baby girl. I really wish you were here.
Love, your mama