weight and nerves

Ellie,
Things have been going pretty good. I feel like I am getting better. I really miss you a lot but it's not as despairing as it used to be. I was a little depressed yesterday because I saw video take a few years ago of myself in a swimsuit. Yuck! If I saw somebody like that on the beach I would have been disgusted. Then I got on the Wii fit this morning for the first time in a while. It told me I had lost almost 16 lbs. My last weigh in on the Wii fit was over a year ago, before I was pregnant. So, i'm 15 pounds lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. That kind of boosted my ego a bit. I'm actually more motivated to work out. I'd like to lose about 30 lbs. before I get pregnant again. I'm being pretty good with my carbs and I feel like it's working. I'm even more excited about working out.
This morning an Angel Mama friend of mine announced that she is pregnant with her rainbow baby. I like what she said about the only people who could possibly understand what she is feeling are people who have had a loss. I can only imagine what that will be like to go through. I had a flood of emotions with just reading about her being pregnant. I started crying while I was reading about it. I've also been such a basket-case worrying about my mom. I keep thinking i'm ready and trying to convince myself that I don't need to be so worried but I know I will. Is there anything I can do to prevent that? The only thing I can think of is some sort of meditation. I'm hoping to be off of my crazy meds by then. I don't want to take anything while i'm prego. I am learning to be more calm though. I will keep working on that.
I love you so much little girl. I think of you all the time.
Love,
Mom