Hi honey,
I'm sorry. I know I need to write more. It really does help. I'm just stubborn and lazy. I can't sleep tonight. Headache. I've been doing pretty good. Life plugs along. It's been kind of rough trying to wean myself off of my meds. It's hard but I really want to do it. I always planned on quitting before we started trying to get pregnant in December but at my last counseling meeting she suggested I stay on through the holidays. That kind of scared me because I realized that she's right, the holidays are going to be hard. But, nothing is going to stop me from trying to get pregnant the minute i'm allowed to start again. So, I figured i'd better start weaning myself off now so I can learn to cope without them before the holidays hit.
Your dad is the one who's actually having the hardest time right now. It's hard for me because he deals with it so differently than I do. I'm going to have him call the counselor tomorrow. He says he'll do it. I hope he actually does. I know i'm not as sensitive towards him as I could be sometimes too. I have to realize that he is grieving, he just show is differently than I do.
I think about you all the time. You would be three and half months now. I think i'll always think about what life would be like if you were here. What would you look like? What milestones would you be hitting? What would you be like? I hope I really do get to know someday.
I don't feel you around me as much as I used to. Maybe you have other things to do and maybe I don't need you as much anymore. Please be with your dad right now. He needs you as his guardian angel more than I do right now.
I love you so much my little girl. I wish I had you to hold onto.
Love,
Mom