Tomorrow

Ellie,
I am so nervous for tomorrow. I have finally decided to go and see a counselor and tomorrow is my first appointment. I'm very anxious about it. I'm mostly scared of the unknown. I have never done anything like this before and I don't know what to expect. I'm also going to an unfamiliar part of town and i'm not sure how to get there or where to go once I get in the building or what to say. I'm not good in unfamiliar situations anyway but this is particularly scary.
I'm also worried about opening myself up. I'm sure it's good for me but every time I do it's like opening up an old wound and it hurts more for a while. I can think of a Harry Potter analogy. Sorry i'm kind of obsessed with Harry Potter right now. When Harry is meeting with Snape for lessons on protecting his mind from Voldemort he always feels more vulnerable after those lessons. That is how I feel any time I open up. That is how I feel after talking about it at the SHARE meetings. It should get easier.
I am looking forward to getting some help. I think I really need it right now. Especially with work starting in a week, i'm really anxious about that. I don't know how this is going to go, or how long I will see a counselor but right now it's what I need to do to take another step towards healing. And, while writing to you is beneficial and I try to be open and honest there are a couple things that I resist writing about. I hope I feel comfortable enough to talk about them tomorrow.
I love you. Please be with me tomorrow if you can and give me strength.
Goodnight little girl.
I love you.