Saturday

Ellie,
Why do things have to be so complicated. Life just sucks sometimes. I woke up today feeling pretty good. I just got paid, your dad had a job interview this week, and we were going to go see a movie so I was pretty excited about the day. I got a lot of cleaning done this morning. Not everything I wanted to get done but enough to satisfy me for the day. We even spent some time with our friends tonight. Now though everything seems complicated. Life is all of a sudden really stressful. Your dad doesn't think he's going to get the job, his calling is stressing him out, our printer is out of ink, and tomorrow is Sunday. I know that doesn't seem like such a big deal but I think i'm pre-stressing about Sunday. I know all of these things don't really matter in the long run and I am so blessed and lucky in many, many ways. I shouldn't be complaining. Will people still give me allowances because of my loss or am I expected to be a normal person now? I guess i'm just upset because for a little while I got my hopes up that your dad would get that job, and while it was only part time, it would really help out with the burden of some of our bills. It wouldn't have been a lot but it would have been really nice. I guess I just shouldn't get my hopes up. I should have learned that lesson by now because whenever I do get my hopes up about something i'm just disappointed. Life just doesn't ever seem to work out the way we plan it. Okay we've learned that lesson, let's get over it. I know, our trials could be worse, and maybe it just all seems worse because of the depression. I seem to have deeper lows than before all this happened. I do have a roof over my head, enough money for my needs, and a wonderful husband who loves me and married me in the temple. Really, what more should I be asking for. In comparison to others I have so much. I guess it's good for me to take the time and realize that. I do even have you. Even if you aren't with me. I miss you so much, I love you baby girl.
Mom