Aunt Flo

Ellie,

I actually had a really good day yesterday. I had talked to my counselor on Thursday about how Sundays are particularly hard for me and we came up with some solutions. I prepared myself ahead of time but tried not to stress out about it. I had some pre decided responses to how I respond when people ask me how i'm doing. It almost all went out the window when walking into church someone gave me a card that all the primary kids had signed for me. That was almost too much for me but I decided to put it in my bag and not look at it until I thought I could deal with it. It was cute, a lot of kids told me thought that they were sorry that my baby was dead. It was sweet but a little hard to handle. I do miss them. 

I had a hard time too when I was a little late to Sunday School. I had helped Dad make some copies in the library and by the time I got to Sunday School there weren't any places to sit alone. I would have had to sit by myself. So, I decided to go to your Dad's Sunday School class. That was a lot of fun. I think I might do that more. I always feel better when i'm with him. 

Then, something wonderful happened. I know this won't sound wonderful, but my period started. I have never before in my life hoped it would start and been happy when it did. I have always dreaded dealing with it or wished I was pregnant. But, i've been so worried that something was wrong with me, that something has broken when I lost you. I was so worried that I would never be able to get pregnant again. I have faith now that my body is figuring things out and resetting itself. In a few months I will be able to start trying to get pregnant again. 

I am really happy about it. 

I love you very much. I miss you always.

Love, Mom