Ellie girl,
I was looking at pictures of you today. I know, i'm a glutton for punishment. When we first got those pictures it was more than I could bear, it was too hard to look at them know you were dead in them and that was all I had of you. Someone gave me a picture of Christ holding a baby and that brought me great comfort. I would much rather picture you like that than like you were in the hospital when we took pictures with you. I know that Christ isn't really holding you as an infant because where you are now you are a beautiful young lady, but the picture brings me comfort.
For some reason today I needed to look at the real pictures of you. I wanted to see if you looked anything like me and your dad. I needed to see us in you. And, I know the pictures are altered but I could see you in us and that made me happy.
Then as we were getting ready for dinner tonight your dad made a face that reminded me of you. It made me so happy to recognize that. I think it as the eyes that gave it away. Your eyes are closed in your pictures but they still look like your fathers. We decided you have his eyes and eyelashes, my nose and mouth, and his feet (especially those long skinny toes).
I don't want to forget you, I don't want to forget what you look like. The memory of you looking dead, skin peeling, misshapen head, stiff, and cold may not be the best memory I have of you but it is the only memory I have of you outside of the womb and I will make the best of it.
I love you baby girl and I always will.
I was looking at pictures of you today. I know, i'm a glutton for punishment. When we first got those pictures it was more than I could bear, it was too hard to look at them know you were dead in them and that was all I had of you. Someone gave me a picture of Christ holding a baby and that brought me great comfort. I would much rather picture you like that than like you were in the hospital when we took pictures with you. I know that Christ isn't really holding you as an infant because where you are now you are a beautiful young lady, but the picture brings me comfort.
For some reason today I needed to look at the real pictures of you. I wanted to see if you looked anything like me and your dad. I needed to see us in you. And, I know the pictures are altered but I could see you in us and that made me happy.
Then as we were getting ready for dinner tonight your dad made a face that reminded me of you. It made me so happy to recognize that. I think it as the eyes that gave it away. Your eyes are closed in your pictures but they still look like your fathers. We decided you have his eyes and eyelashes, my nose and mouth, and his feet (especially those long skinny toes).
I don't want to forget you, I don't want to forget what you look like. The memory of you looking dead, skin peeling, misshapen head, stiff, and cold may not be the best memory I have of you but it is the only memory I have of you outside of the womb and I will make the best of it.
I love you baby girl and I always will.
~your mom
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