Ellie,
I can't believe how much I miss you. I never wanted a baby as much as I do now. I have wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember. As we tried for 5 years to get pregnant I thought that I desperately wanted a baby. The pain I felt then is nothing compared to what I feel now. It is so wrong that I can't have you right now. I should be able to hold you and cuddle you. It is so wrong that you aren't with me. I miss you so terribly. I want to hold you. I know that I will see you again but it is so very far away. I have a whole life to live still and I have to do it without you. Will I ever get to see you as a baby? a live baby? I imagine you now as a baby in heaven but I know that's not true. I know you are in heaven but your spirit isn't as a baby it's as a grown woman. I'm sure I will love that grown woman but I will always miss holding you as a baby. They say in the Millenium I will get a chance to raise you but i'm not sure what that means. Will we
actually start as mother and baby and raise you like a normal child? Or will it be something completely different? I don't know. I guess I will have to do some research.
I desperately want to have another baby but I don't want you to think that I am replacing you. I could never replace you. You will always be my Ellie, my firstborn. My first beloved child. And I will never forget you my darling.
Love,
your mama
I can't believe how much I miss you. I never wanted a baby as much as I do now. I have wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember. As we tried for 5 years to get pregnant I thought that I desperately wanted a baby. The pain I felt then is nothing compared to what I feel now. It is so wrong that I can't have you right now. I should be able to hold you and cuddle you. It is so wrong that you aren't with me. I miss you so terribly. I want to hold you. I know that I will see you again but it is so very far away. I have a whole life to live still and I have to do it without you. Will I ever get to see you as a baby? a live baby? I imagine you now as a baby in heaven but I know that's not true. I know you are in heaven but your spirit isn't as a baby it's as a grown woman. I'm sure I will love that grown woman but I will always miss holding you as a baby. They say in the Millenium I will get a chance to raise you but i'm not sure what that means. Will we
actually start as mother and baby and raise you like a normal child? Or will it be something completely different? I don't know. I guess I will have to do some research.
I desperately want to have another baby but I don't want you to think that I am replacing you. I could never replace you. You will always be my Ellie, my firstborn. My first beloved child. And I will never forget you my darling.
Love,
your mama
No comments:
Post a Comment