one day

Written Thursday, June 16th at 7:50 pm

I've realized that I really do need to take it one day at a time. I can't think about the future. It's too much for me to handle right now. People (especially daddy) keep telling me to take it one day or one hour at a time but I didn't really understand that until I realized that it's thinking about the future that is really stressing me out. So, I know that tonight i'm watching the office and playing a video game on my computer. Tomorrow we may go see Super 8 and the Kidman's are taking us out to dinner. Saturday DeAnn is visiting and Sunday I may or may not go to church, I haven't decided yet. Maybe just sacrament meeting. We have plans to go see my family for the 4th of July and that is as far as i've gotten. Those are the plans I have. I can't do more than that. I don't know what my plans are for the future. The doctor says we can start trying to have another kid in 6 months but I can't really think about that yet. I don't know when I will be able to clean out your room and put things away. I need to go get the laundry out of the dryer. I have a plan and it's to not plan past what I can handle.
I love you baby girl. I love you so much. It's amazing how something so small and innocent has changed my life. I will never be the same and I know now that it all seems bad but this experience is making me a better person. I am grateful that I get to be your mom. I wish you were here but i'm glad that I have you in my hear. It's better than never having you.
love, mama