Ellie,
I haven't felt the need to write as much lately. I'm not completely better but i'm doing a lot better. I have been off meds for a few weeks now and i'm doing fine. Maybe i'm just seeing things positively because i'm looking forward to three weeks off of work. I'm not dreading it as much as I thought I would. I remember this summer when I dreaded having time off of work because I knew I was going to be depressed. Now I know that I need it. I need some time for myself. Work has been pretty stressful lately. Mostly because of parent teacher conferences. But, that's over now. For a while anyway, until the next conferences in March.
I feel bad though because I feel like i've been really short with your dad. Things have just been stressful and i've just gotten easily frustrated. There was one day that I was particularly frustrated with him and I don't even remember why. I got home from work and I went in the bedroom to change. I noticed that he had a picture of you on the floor next to the bed. He had been lying in bed that day looking at that picture. I felt so bad. Sometimes I forget that he is going through this too and that I need to be sensitive to him.
Things may be getting better though because we are pretty sure that he has a job. While that doesn't bring you back it does relieve some of the stress. We will be able to pay off some bills and be ready for the next baby.
I've had a really good time recently with my mom coming to visit. It was really nice having her here. It has been a rough year and it's always good to be with family. The other day I was making us all some breakfast. Quiche, potatoes, and sausage. I got up and got to work on cooking. It took a while and we got up late so we ended up eating around 11:30. I realized for some reason that I hadn't even thought of you yet today. It was the longest I had gone since I had thought of you. It shocked me. I couldn't decide if I was happy or upset about that. You are and will always be a part of my life. But, my life still goes on, even if I have to do it without you.
I love you so much.
Mom