rough week

Ellie,

It's weird. I can be going along for a while and be just fine. Then all of a sudden something will happen and it will mean more than one rough day. This is my last week off track and I knew that it was time to call and order your headstone. I've been meaning to do that but i've been putting it off. I knew it would be difficult but I didn't think it would be that hard. It affected me for days. I don't like thinking about that. It's hard to decide how to mark your final resting place. I want it to be just perfect. I barely made it through the phone call. Then I broke down afterwards. I called grandma afterwards. I told her I had just ordered your headstone and it was hard. She told grandpa and he had to get on the phone and tell me that it was okay for the headstone to be hard because that's better than it being soft. He is so silly. He is good about adding humor to a difficult situation to release some of the tension. 

Things are a little better now. It's just been a stressful week. Dad started a new job. It's good because he'll be making more money but it's ultra stressful. He also had a friend pass away out of the blue. I think that affected him more than he let on. We are doing better with the approaching weekend. It's weird, usually when it's time for me to go back to work after an off-track I am so bored i'm ready to go back. There has not been one time this off-track time that I have been bored and wanted to go back to work. I don't even want to go in tomorrow but I have to because i'm getting a new student. 

There hasn't been much success yet in getting you a little sibling. We are trying though. It's stressful though and I don't want it to be stressful. I also know that it will be more successful if i'm not stressed. I'm trying to find a balance between planning and charting when I ovulate and not being to rigid and stressed about it. I think i'm just going to have to put it in the power of God anyway. I know that He has His own time schedule and there's not much I can do about it anyway. I guess it will happen when it's supposed to. I'm just trying to help it along. 

I miss you so much. I hat that you can't be her with us. I love you so much.

Mom