Thinking of you

Ellie,
I've been think about you a lot today. It's hard because life is moving on and i'm forgetting you. I'm forget ting the feeling of what it was like to expect to be a mother. I feel like we're leaving you behind. We are hoping to get pregnant again and that always seemed so natural. Of course we would try to get pregnant again. I'm starting to understand why some people feel like they are dishonoring their angel children when the have another one. You aren't here anymore to be a part of our lives and we have to get on without you.
I have been off of work this week and I was really worried because last time  I was off-track it was pretty difficult for me. But things have gone pretty well. I have been able to relax most of the time without forcing myself to do projects to distract myself. I still miss you terribly. Friday I had a bit of a rough morning. We are making plans for the future and we are just in such a different place than I ever thought we would be right now. I have a career but dad doesn't and we don't have any kids. Dad is talking about going back to school and I just feel like we are moving backwards instead of progressing. I guess sometimes you need to do that though. Things will get better. I have to believe that. It is nice with dad at least have temporary job. It takes some of the money burden off.
I love you so much. I hope I never forget you.
Love,
Mom