Ellie,
I am so conflicted. There are days when i'm really excited for Christmas and days that I just wish it was over. I have always loved Christmas. I am the type that decorates and starts listening to Christmas music too early. Sometimes it drives your dad crazy. This year though i'm not really looking forward to it. I was so looking forward to having a 6 month old baby this Christmas. That would have been so fun. It is going to be so hard without you here. Some days I just want to ignore it not even decorate for it or anything. So cut, to me having half opened boxes of Christmas boxes out. My place is a mess because I can't decide if I want to get the Christmas stuff out or not.
There are many ways we have thought of to honor you at Christmas time. We have special ornaments for you and i'm going to make you a special stocking. We've talked about getting a card off the angel tree every year for a child your age or donating the money we would have spent on your Christmas present. But, when it comes down to it I just wish I could have you here to buy presents for and play with. Nothing else will be good enough to replace that. Grrr, I just hate it so much.
The other day your dad said that all he wanted for Christmas was to see you. It nearly broke my heart. Sometimes I forget that he is just as sad as I am.
Oh how I wish you were here. Things would be so different. I love you so much.
Mom
The first Christmas was definately the hardest! We started the special ornament on our tree that year and hung a stoncking as well. The angel tree is a really good idea too. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
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